so... it's here...

the month i wish did not exist.. i'm supposed to be past it... i'm supposed to have dealt.. i'm supposed to be stronger than pulling the covers up over my head and screaming go away...

yes.. i am supposed to be..

last night on david letterman's show, Michael Douglas spoke about his personal battle with throat cancer - and (paraphrasing now) he turned to the camera at one point and said something to the effect of "all you people who have been through this - i get it now.. i get it".. being an actor perhaps up to now he THOUGHT he got the feelings and the fright and the frustration of being "sick" and at the mercy of people who might or might not explain things properly....but he "gets it" now.

and as for me... it applies in a different way... would that no one ever again turns to me and says "i get it now" because i don't want anyone else to ever have to suffer through what they must to "get it".. and frankly .. i wish i didn't "get it" either.

my theme for this month.. it always is.. sadly.. when i first found this song.. 7 years sounded like an age .. now .. seven years truly has gone past.. Green Day...